Dreams show you the utter transparencies of your heart, make you watch how you would react to certain situations in real life. The scene I watched in private was disgusting enough in and of itself, but, since my heart and mind have become so numbed by the immoral norm of American entertainment, in normal life I would have thought that talking about raping, chopping, and burning an innocent young woman wasn’t inappropriate, nor even when they force her onto the ground showing what’s about to happen, that’s not inappropriate either. And not even when it’s in public, on a bus when people are forced to watch it, do I think it’s inappropriate. But the blonde girl in front of me obviously thought it was inappropriate. Perhaps she was especially offended, identifying with the blonde girl in the movie, putting herself in her shoes, feeling vulnerable and threatened.
Crisis Philosophy: Symbolism of Dream October 28, 2014
The god of Embarrassment October 22, 2014
I worship the god of Embarrassment. Not in the same way I worship Jehovah. For I worship Jehovah in praise and great joy and love and gratitude and rest. But I burn incense on the altar of Embarrassment in great fear, so as to appease his spirits, to pacify him a little longer that I might have partial relief. And yet Jesus said, you cannot serve two masters. For you HAVE TO love one and hate the other. You cannot serve both God and Mammon. But I don’t serve Mammon; I serve Embarrassment. And that HAS to change! For right now I’m not open to doing ANYTHING God tells me to do, only those things which don’t conflict with my previous commitments to Embarrassment. And so I bind the hand of God from healing this suffering world. Just so I can live in an illusory comfort zone, hiding behind my rituals and tradition, trying to worship a man-made idol.
On the Tips of our Tongues April 24, 2014
Father, order my thoughts and make them words.
There is something on the tips of all our tongues. It’s the look on the face of a dying man, just released from the hospital, sitting with his eyes closed listening to his friends read a book with him, resting in the gift of that moment. There’s something there. Something so powerful that I’m speechless, and I don’t dare to interrupt the embrace of that bliss. We all felt it but we couldn’t grasp it; we didn’t know what to do except savor it before it was gone. There are no words for that feeling. We just don’t get it. It’s on the tip of our tongues but we can’t say it. On the tip of our hearts and souls but we cannot comprehend it.
It’s when a random song starts playing and it unexpectedly brings you to your knees, brings tears to your eyes, and all you can think to do is stretch out your hands to praise God, the only one you can think to attribute such euphoria to. We don’t understand why or how, but it’s there. There’s something there which we just can’t get at.
But very soon all will be complete and we will see it as it truly is. We will become real and experience reality. We will sense with maximum perception. For we will no longer glimpse the divine with fleeting experiences, but we will live the divine.
When you smell a fragrance you haven’t smelled since childhood and the nostalgia overwhelms all your senses and melts you inside, bringing you close to unconsciousness, it is a taste of what is to come. Though right now we can only taste it on the tips of our tongues. There’s something happening in our midst that is deeper than anything we can ever know right now. Something is about to burst at the seams. And when it does we will look back and laugh at our finitude. But until then all we have are snapshots into the Director’s commentary, glimpses of the divine.
“Why are you asking Me to give you trust in Me? Do you trust Me?
And why are you asking Me to give you love for Me? Don’t you love Me?”
A Man After God’s Own Heart March 6, 2014
I think of a child running through the meadows, wide-eyed with wonder, a radiant smile, hands outstretched to Heaven, spinning around, throwing up flowers to the sky, to God. Taking in the mountains and fields, loving life, rejoicing in it. Loving God who he can feel there with him, who he knows intimately, talks to and praises openly, with all his heart, thanks God for the beauty of nature, which he knows are God’s gifts to His children, fruit of His love.
And God responds to this innocent boy, perfect in heart, by coming alive around him. As the boy runs, the flowers around him open up, the clouds part to reveal a beautiful sunset, a breeze blows his hair, light shines down on him, birds fly by, deer appear. It’s the manifestation of God smiling and hugging the boy, telling him how much He loves him. And likewise, as if trying to hug back just as hard, the boy shouts at the top of his lungs, “LORD! I love you with all my heart!!!”
And being overwhelmed with this euphoric experience he falls backward into a soft bed of flowers, eyes closed, no longer focusing on the manifestation of God, but rather God Himself, there beyond the senses. He doesn’t know what else to do except whisper over and over, “I love You. Thank You. I praise You.” Then his joy reaches the next level where his smile turns into a frown and tears of supernatural joy freely flow from his face. The boy doesn’t care who sees or about anything else going on, because all he cares about is loving and worshiping God as much as he can.
[written with my left hand, while my right was sprained, on 1/16/14]
My Valentine February 15, 2014
[written on 1/25/14 with my left hand, during 24 hours of silence; posted in honor of Valentine’s Day!]
If you’ve gone through a whole day without loving God, trusting God, or truly focusing in on Him/tuning into His voice… then you failed your top priority of the day. The day was a failure. You got an F. You didn’t pass the test of loyalty. After all, isn’t this the greatest commandment in the Old and New Testament, and indeed the meaning of life? “Love the LORD your God with all your heart…”
If you don’t feel love for God in your heart something is wrong. Stop everything you’re doing; take off from work if you have to. Until you’re right with God, until you get to the place where you can honestly ask God to give you opportunities to proclaim His name today, to proclaim your Love. And then go out actually looking for those opportunities.
God wants us to love Him like a lover — like in Song of Songs — consumed with Him as if we have a crush. God wants me to run out through the fields to find a tree that I can carve a heart with both our initials in it.
We always put God on the shelf, getting Him out when it doesn’t conflict with anything else. But why not put everything else on the shelf until it doesn’t conflict with God? Why not love God and trust Him even if it means we die? [21514- As my friend, Spencer Argow, pointed out to me last week, the last time I saw him before he died: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” ~Job 13:15]
[I should note that writing this article is my very act of living out my advice, as this came to me during a time when I have so much stuff people want me to do, and I chose to put it on the shelf until I’m right with God again. It’s kind of corny, I know, but that’s the point!]
Lonely God February 8, 2014
[1/27/14- while listening to John Reuben’s I Pictured It]
Lonely god. A phrase I thought of a week ago. How truly sad it is, this creator god who creates children to love him, but instead even the best of us confine him to increments of our time disproportionate to our other affections. What a shame that I truly care more for his children than I do him, the very one by whom I exist. I’m scared to lift my hands in praise to him because I care more about what my brothers and sisters think, than what my father thinks. He gets excited when an opportunity arises for us to talk about him, to mention him like we would a lover. But when we think he’s not looking we change subjects or imply that we don’t even know him. And his smile becomes a frown as he turns his head and leaves before we see him and realize he overheard us. And I feel this god crying out in the wilderness, saying, Why won’t anyone come live with me? Why only brief visits? Is it the way I look? Or is it because we don’t have anything in common? Nothing to talk about? But oh, my child! Don’t you have more in common with me than anyone else? Shouldn’t you have more to talk about with me than anyone else? You are made from my own genes.
What would happen if we went to live with this god? And got his advice and encouragement all day? Ran to him when we were injured or rejected, knowing he would only run to us, embrace us in love and cry with us. And there, resting in between his shoulders, we could feel his heartbeat. [Deuteronomy 33:12]
People are actually dying around us and yet we are still too afraid to just trust God, to just praise Him as much as we know how, and let him come to us and supernaturally change things, for the best of our own lives and ultimately everyone we are connected to. People are on the verge of dying and will one day not be able anymore to feel the effects of the reckless faith we could have had. And God cries out to us: Why won’t you just trust me?! What have I ever done to you that you would doubt me like this?
O Moses! What did you find out there in the wilderness?
O David! What did you find out there in the wilderness?
O Jesus! What did you find out there in the wilderness?